Will Tango For Tulips

We all know about the infamous Sock Gnomes, sneaking about in the night stealing your socks when you least expect it. The real question, however, is, are they acting on their own accord, or acting on behalf of the government? Think about it, how many socks could these gnomes need? Think of all the socks you and people you know have lost over the years. I’m sure it’s good amount. Now, what use could the gnomes have for all of those socks? Are they selling them on the black market for some despot’s nefarious scheme? Do they sell them to hobos out on the streets? Do they use them in their tiny gnome homes for blankets and curtains? Or do they do the governments work, by stealing your socks, making you buy more, and thus, stimulate the economy? That is the only reasonable conclusion that you can come to. Hobos are still sock-less, I have yet to see a sock furnished gnome home, and I still haven’t seen any well furnished gnome homes. But, if they are in fact, agents of the government trying to stimulate the economy, why is our economy still in such horrid shape? I can offer up a few speculations as to why that is. One such reason is a decline in gnome population. As we all know, gnomes are subterranean dwellers, and as human population grows unchecked, the gnome population decreases at an alarming rate. But why is that, you might find yourself asking. The answer in simple, they dwell under the earth, under places such as gardens, and fields. But with the human population on the rise, there is a need for new housing, and of course, commercial buildings to support the population growth. That means more concrete foundations, clearing of forests and paving over of once fertile fields. So there are now less and less desirable places for gnomes to live. This forces them to move to more rural areas. Areas with fewer socks, such as Canada and Mexico. Another reason as to why the governments program of sock thievery isn’t working, is the lack of reproduction in the gnome population. Without gnomes giving birth, the ratio of the elderly to the young, it tipping dangerously to the elderly side. This leaves the current gnome population with bad eyesight, aching joints, and alzheimer’s. And with the speed of current washers and dryers, this poses quite a feat for aging gnomes. So whether it be aging gnomes, or gnomes heading off to Canada and Mexico for greener pastures, the government either needs to call off it’s sock stealing gnome army, or fix the programs problems and get the economy back on track. I can deal with a few stolen socks if it means a more stable economy. But I will not stand for stolen socks with no clear result. I hope you all feel the same.