Will Tango For Tulips

Anyone ever notice how bad handicap people suck at parking? I notice this all the fuckin’ time. I mean, yeah, you’re handicapped. Big whoop. It sucks. But that is no excuse for parking like a douchebag. I was at the grocery store the other day and I looked at this hooooooooorrendous park job. “look at this douchebag,” I thought to myself. I happen to notice the car being in a handicapped spot. I thought nothing of it at the time. But as the days went by, I started to see more and more of it.  At target, at other places with parking spots….I mean look, i understand you’re handicapped. That sucks. But that doens’t give you the right to park like a douchebag. Half the time the spots they give you are almost double the size of a normal parking place. Yet you guys STILL manage to fuck up parking. You know what happens when other people fuck up their park job? They FIX IT! it takes another minute to fix your damn park job so you’re not talking up three spots or sticking halfway into the road. well…i guess it really isn’t a road. and it’s not really and isle…..the place in the parking lot where you drive. STOP STICKING OUT SIX FEET INTO THAT AREA. PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO DRIVE THERE. And you successfully bottle necked that whole area and slowed traffic to a crawl. And it’s not just parking. I’ve noticed at an alarming rate the number of cars with handicap plates or decals suck at driving as well. eratic lane changes, cutting people off, driving 20 miles under the posted speed limit……the list goes on and on. Basically, what it boils down to, is just because you’re handicapped doesn’t mean you can park and drive like a douchebag. If it did, there would be a sudden influx of handicapped drivers. and that would just make me angry. And then i’d turn green and all my clothes would rip off as I grew a great deal. But thankfully my pants would be made of elastic or similar material. but they’d still get frayed a little bit on the bottom. Just to make me look that much more frightening. as if being green didn’t frighten them enough. And nobody wants that.

But you know what people do want? otter pops. those things are awesome. and it’s just 3 grams of sugar and 15 calories per frozen otter. So everyone can enjoy without a guilty conscious. thanks for tuning in america.

and by america i mean no one.

Edit: I realized i repeated myself and that first sentence really doesn’t make sense. but i dont really edit what write. it’s a hassle. I started this post probably two years ago, and never got around to finishing it. also, otter pops are really awesome. so are polar bears.

dude…..polar bear pops….. I’d call them Polar Pops. And the box would show some polar bears lounging next to an igloo, eating some polar pops. they’d contain 100% juice. and they’d have a mystery white one. it would taste just like polar bear. man. that’s gold.

Edit2: interrogative. does anyone actually read this?

and i got 2 hits from helsinki.  they actually stayed on the site for 14 and 17 seconds respectively. hahah “helsinki” always make me want to write helslinky. and then i picture of the devil playing with a slinky. Which is humorous on many levels. hopefully i dont have to explain.